smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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