guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
