it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
