I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
