Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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