every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
