He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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