I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
