"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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