That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
