There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
