why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
