The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
