I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
We need a shit load of segways right now
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
