he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
