Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
