Me too!
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
