there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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