I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
