Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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