You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
