she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We left the knife in your bed.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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