So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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