so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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