Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
