woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
