I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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