omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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