We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
