I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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