I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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