I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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