My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
