I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
