I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
