So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
