you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
