Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
This house was built for laser tag.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
