You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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