She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
