He asked to "fluff my boner.."
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
