I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
