My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
how does that bad decision feel?
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