i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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