Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
