I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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