I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
