Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
