you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
