Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
